Johnny (kinvore) wrote in talk_politics,

What would be your articles of secession?

A couple of years ago a dear friend of mine was teaching an 8th grade US history class. When they got to the Civil War she gave them an assignment that I thought would be a lot of fun for us to have here.

She had them draw up their own articles of secession and to create their own nation. For instance one of her students said that in his country there would be no public assistance (aka welfare). Everyone has to work, if you are in a wheel chair then you find a job where you work from home on your computer.

The rules are simple: pick a place that really exists, be it your home or your neighborhood or your city or whatever, as long as it's not an entire country. Create a document as to why you want to secede from whatever country it's in (doesn't have to be in the US). State your reasons/grievances.

I'd like to add a bit more to it and create your own version of the Bill of Rights, the rules that are the basis of your fledgling nation. If you want extra credit make a flag, maybe a motto, or anything else to flesh things out. Everyone who makes a submission can grade someone else's idea, everyone else should STFU until they've stuck their neck out. This is just a suggestion to encourage participation, honestly anyone can comment/grade even if you're a worthless lazy bastich.

You can either reply here or you can make your own thread, but if you make your own thread please be sure to reference this one so that people know WTF you're talking about. There is no requirement to take this project seriously, it's all in good fun. Feel free to be as outlandish as you want, if you want, but try to keep it safe for work. If you're going to blatantly troll and say something like "no black people" (or white people for that matter), let me be the first to say you deserve to die in a fire, and your corpse should be put out by being blasted with piss. My piss. After I've eaten asparagus.

Without further ado...

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to

Dear United States,

I am writing this to inform you that the city of Waukesha, Wisconsin is no longer a part of the Union. We hereby secede and will henceforth be known as Kinvorestan. We seek immediate recognition as a sovereign nation, failure to do so will result in our invasion of Milwaukee where we will subject everyone there to a ferocious barrage of wet willies.

We have tried to reason with you. The fact that you take the likes of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck seriously was almost too much to bear, but your latest plot broke the camel's back. I am referring to the election of Obama, who we all now realize is secretly a Republican operative sent to destroy all things Hopey. This will not stand, this aggression will not stand.

Thank you for your time. We'll work out minor issues such as electricity and sanitation later, for now please supply all those services for free kthxbai.


Grand Poobah of Kinvorestan

* * *

National Anthem: "Kinvorestan, fuck yeah!"
National Motto: "It must be true, it's on the internets"
System of government: lifetime dictatorship, with a two-term limit

Bill of Rights:
1. You have a right to a clean environment. Let's start with your room. When was the last time you made your bed, mister?
2. You have a right to free expression, as long as it's not libelous/slanderous, as long as it's not a threat, as long as you're not using it to be a total douche.
3. You have a right to affordable health care, even though you make me sick. Yes you, I mean you specifically.
4. You have a right to carry a gun. Bullets, however, are a privilege.
5. Chubby people need love too. Just sayin'.
6. You have a right to limited capitalism until something better comes along.
7. Unlimited capitalism isn't considered "something better".
8. Marijuana isn't just legal, it's mandatory.
9. Voting is a right and a privilege. You can't vote until you have at least an associates degree and/or know how to pronounce the word "nuclear".

Your turn, if you dare.
Tags: highly recommended, satire, secession
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