Three Laws Safe (meus_ovatio) wrote in talk_politics,
Three Laws Safe

The relational properties of political vectors and ideological geometry.

A stunning development in political science occurred when internet experts devised a new bi-axial political spectrum whereby personal belief was plotted not merely upon a number line, but upon the new and innovative field of Cartesian geometry. Just how soon and how productively Descartes' innovation would be put to use was never quite known, but today we have our answer:

We are not only left or right, but up or down.

This is quite informative, as you soon shall see. It has been, in recent times, a recurring debate in this community about the true nature of extremist politics: is it left or right? Were the Nazis right-wing or left-wing? Did the question even make sense?

Perhaps it made sense to the torus-mongering number-liners who felt politics was best left to one-dimensional exegesis. That is, they said, go too far in either direction and you end up on the other side. The absurdity of this proposition is realized when one finds out that neither side of the Universe has wrapped-around upon itself. Indeed, the farther we look, the more we see and the more we find, and no one has had the inopportune event of looking up their own rear-end. Of course, such an idea is patently silly. Of course you'd end up only being blocked by the other side of the Earth. Fine, but we're in space telescopes, so shut up.

But I digress. The idea of torus-politics is as stupid as building a telescope so powerful that one can investigate polyps in their own rectum. We were confused by the astounding ability to turn around. How is that possible? If one is latently left-wing, you find yourself somewhere upon the X-axis. However, if one consistently applies left-wing principles, you soon find yourself moving down the Y-axis. What happens if you go left again?*

Yes, that's right, you find yourself in Hitler-land. What happens if you're right-wing? Well, let me tell you, you soon find yourself in Stalin-land. Isn't it so confusing? No, not if you plot the movements out on a Cartesian plane.

There. Now hopefully paft will stop baiting badlydrawnjeff and reality_hammer into stupid arguments about Nazis sniffing their own asses.

* This idea is further condemned by the fact that if we were to follow its logical steps, all moderates would be moderate, all right-wingers would end up right-wingers, and all left-wingers would end up left-wing. It's like a video-game screen-wrap you see, except the problem is that you're always in the center.
Tags: opinion, parties, satire
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