February 11th, 2017


News as it could've been: The Ali Baba plan

TRUMP TOWER, New York -- U.S. President *GASP* Donald Trump met yesterday with Ali Baba, an Arabian entrepreneur, who vowed to bring one million "e-commerce" jobs to America.

Mr Baba said he knew of a thieves' den that could be entered by simply uttering a "secret phrase" (if only he could remember it). Inside the den, Mr Baba said, there are tons of bags of gold coins that would cover the new jobs, with many bags left over for other national purposes, such as rebuilding the Navy while cutting business taxes in half. Oh, and that Wall of course.

Speaking from their own den, Democrats on Capitol Hill protested that federal job training would have to be set up first, along with a vast new entitlement program for anyone displaced by the changes.

Mr Trump has promised to implement the plan in the first 1001 nights of his Presidency.

The jobs proposal would have to go through the Senate Commerce Committee first of course, shown here authoring some "earmarks"...