August 18th, 2012

Albert thinks ur funny.
  • mahnmut

Your weekendly newz indidjesschunn

New Rome, United States of Earth. All the Saints, as well as most Biblical characters, will be given new, much more exciting names, so that religion could stir greater interest among the children, and gain more followers, The Vatican UNobserver reports, citing Groper Magazine. Also, many stories in the Old and New Testament (at least those that matter) will be modernized and embroidered, an official announcement came from a group of priests who, miraculously, were not occupied with young boys at the moment.

"Clearly, we need to update the Bible. It was more than 200 years ago that it was re-written for the last time. We have to include some new miracles that would amaze today's youth. Because no one is moved any more by the prospect of feeding a bunch of hungry folks with just 5 breads, or something like that", an American priest said, while fixing the negligee robe back on his shoulder and wiping traces of boy's lipstick from his cheek.

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Liberopolis, Dimokratiki prefecture, Ancient Greece. A popular poll among all citizens of Earth could determine which will be the one and only Deception Delivering Moral and Life Values to the Ignorant and Gullible Masses at Difficult Times and Simple Answers to Complicated Questions™, a.k.a. Relidjunn, from this day onward and forever and ever, till the End of Times, or till we run out of freedom fries.

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Speaking of churches,

1 Putinka Str, New Stalingrad, Moscow Oblast, Soviet Fascist Oligarchist Federation. A Russian punk band of girls who were recently sentenced to 2 years in prison for non-violent full-contact hooliganism, tresspassing in a state-owned church without dropping a coin in the machine at the entrance and showing their ankles to nuns, and spreading religious hatred by begging Virgin Mary to rid their nation of its beloved Dear Leader, have announced that from this day onwards they'll be called Vladimir's Pussy Riot. And after their time in prison, they're planning to transform themselves into a church choir, to redeem their honor. In fact their first rehearsal is this next Monday.

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In other news, UK has decided to donate the building of the Ecuadorean embassy to the US military by the end of the week, as a gesture of submission solidarity with Realpolitik Freedomdom & Democracycy™, and as an attempt to piss off Julian Assange, because of their millenium-old grudge to pale silver-haired douchebags, which they've been holding ever since the reign of Edward II.