February 24th, 2012

Гацо Бацов от ФК Бацова Маала
  • htpcl

Friday lulz. Or not! We're taking over Libya now!?

Libyans cheer return of international matches

Libyan soccer fans of all ages came out to cheer the first international matches played in the North African country since the conflict that ousted Muammar Gaddafi amid hope Monday's games would be the start of many more to come.

CSKA Sofia, the 31-times Bulgarian champions, were the first foreign team to play in Libya after the uprising against Gaddafi's rule erupted on February 17 last year.

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Friday wackiness: Margarita politics

As a loyal American, I am profoundly disgusted at those so-called American statesmen who call themselves "liberal" or "conservative" after foreign political parties! "Conservative" is of course the name of a British political party, and "Liberal" the name of an Australian one. What kind of monster raving loony do you have to be to think that's an OK label for an American politician?

I flatly refuse to take anything foreign into my politics. I am a true blue American. And that's why I had to coin a word--a good American word--for my political stance. Not "Liberal," "Green," "Conservative," nor "Communist," but a name that indicates Democracy and Liberty, because Democracy is Liberty. I was trying to explain this to my now-ex-girlfriend, and she suggested I'd been drinking too many margaritas, and I said that the margarita is America, and you shouldn't dis the margarita, and she dumped me. That's when I realized that what this country needs are not liberal politicians, nor conservative politicians, but margarita politicians.

I'm a margarita politician. And that ain't foreign even a little bit.

On the major issues of our day:

Death panels: I'm in favor of them. What makes people think they can die without permission?

Texas: Texas should be raised to the level necessary to cover obligations. If we have to spend the money, don't borrow it and then have to pay interest, just raise texas.

Gay marriage: should be mandatory. In the next authorization of the USAPATRIOTACT, I want to put surveillance devices in every home to make sure that everyone is in a loving same-sex civil union. Single people and those in uncivil unions will be assigned new same-sex spouses or deported to the foreign country of their choice; I hear Colorado and Alabama (those are in South America, right?) need guest workers. And I will raise the texas to pay for it, unlike some people.

Moon colonization: No. No man can stay sane on a diet of green cheese and absinthe, which I am told are the major solid and liquid components of the moon. It would be inhumane.

Pit bulls: The bull is a proud creature. No longer should bulls be forced to live in pits. Let bullfighters practice their deadly art on hillocks, where the great ox can get a running start.

Taxes: Taxes should be permitted to secede from the union, but only if everything south and west of San Antonio is allowed to secede from Taxes. It's only fair.

Socialized medicine: Why the hell not? It's not like we aren't already paying for your damn boner pills anyway, Clem.

Public nudity: only for ugly people, because we need our kids to stay inside and get fatter.

Public drunkenness: see public nudity.

Vampires: will be abolished through the judicious application of ORBITAL SPACE MIRRORS.

Intellectual Propriety, La!: Intellectuals should be very wary of impropriety, or people will think you're drunk when really you're tired: Not only physically tired, but tired of the ridiculousness that passes for political discourse in this country. Tired enough to be really really sarcastic. And that could get people hurt.
  • dwer



Lawsuit claims Obama can't be president because he's 'mulatto'

Tuesday, Gordon Warren Epperly filed a lawsuit in Alaska challenging President Obama's inclusion on the 2012 presidential ballot. What's Epperly's beef? Apparently, he feels Negroes and mulattoes can't be president because they aren't really citizens.

His lawsuit states:

Barack Hussein Obama II, a.k.a. Barack Hussein Obama, a.ka. Barack H. Obama has the race status of being a "mulatto." Barack Obama's father (Barack Hussein Obama I) was a full blood Negro being born Nyang'oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya and raised in the Colony of Kenya. Barack Obama's mother (Stanley Ann Dunham) was a white Caucasian woman being born in Wichita, Kansas on November 29, 1942 and raised in the state of Washington and in the state of Hawaii.

The petition concludes:

As stated above, for an Individual to be a candidate for the office of president of the United States, the candidate must meet the qualifications set forth in the United States Constitution and one of those qualifications is that the Candidate shall be a "natural born citizen" of the United States. As Barack Hussein Obama II is of the "mulatto" race, his status of citizenship is founded upon the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Before the [purported] ratification of the Fourteenth Amendment, the race of "Negro" or "mulatto" had no standing to be citizens of the United States under the United States Constitution.

Alright. So are we now in a place where the, ah, ultra-conservative considers the Constitution to only include the the text of the document and the first Ten Amendments? Is this a legitimate direction for determining presidential candidacy? Is this legitimate political speech?

It appears to me, of course, that this is fully ridiculous -- and as the article says, the 14th Amendment fully settles this issue. So my answer is "no", but let's see what the panel says...
Albert thinks ur funny.
  • mahnmut

LULz. The Endless Story.

Here's an idea. There've been such sort of "fantasy story" threads on some forums where the first guy says "Once upon a time...", then the next one adds 3-4 words, then the next one and so on and so forth. In time, a completely incoherent and often hilarious never-ending story is compiled this way, every next commenter adding a few words to it and eventually it starting to look like the ramblings of a drunken maniac. :-)

So I thought... could we make a political story here? So here's how I imagine it:

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Once upon a time, there was a...