February 17th, 2012

William Gladstone

If Dictator, I Will Defeat Evil In Our Time

(Note: Entry inspired by this post.)

Friends and neighbors,

I, Jesus H. Kardashev, Jr. am running for the post of authoritarian dictator. Because I've come to the conclusion that only strong, decisive and forceful leadership can preserve liberty, the common good and our security. Let me explain the great threats we face.

It has come to my attention that our glorious society is faced with a nigh unspeakable evil. An evil even greater than islamo-fascism, more soul-crushing than the music of Arcade Fire, and more insidious than Andy Dick. I am talking about the threat of that extraterrestrial menace...Space Midgets. For far too long have these alien provocateurs infiltrated our society, wrecked our economy and promoted cultural decay. Not to mention that the degenerate practice of Space Midgetry has been condemned in many chapters of the Bible. And worst of all, my friends and fellow patriots *bangs a fist on the podium* they're different from us!

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Godzilla, default

The real version of Conservative Fascism:

The self-proclaimed champions of 100% Americanism claim to represent some pure version of American ideals, where they represent a pure freedom and a pure, honest representation of democracy. The problem is that these self-proclaimed champions embrace as one of their great "intellectuals" one Patrick Buchanan.
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It is not an exaggeration to say that say, the USSR was a morally repugnant and evil society as far as the men that led it and the institutions they created. It was, after all, a Tsarism that actually worked. It is repugnant to minimize the Holocaust and claim Hitler was a right charming fellow and to say that such gross anti-American pro-fascist rhetoric refighting the battles of Robert Taft and Charles Lindbergh *is* real "Western" values. If claiming WWII was a senseless, evil mistake is Western, I am proud to not value such concepts of "the West." And if claiming that the Treblinka Death Camp didn't really kill anyone is how one represents Western values, I damn well will be Eastern. This claim in particular puts Buchanan square into David Duke territory.

What say you?